either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
