I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
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