I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
Randomize
