Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
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