Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Randomize
