Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
