Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
Randomize
