Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Dude she has a bf and shes on lockdown more than Nelson Mandela in 95
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
