why didn't you poke me back
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I vaguely remember telling people they were not trash cans
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
