There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
There's a hobo dancing by himself. Is anyone going to ask how he got in the house?
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
So vagazzling was a success
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
