last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
Randomize
