I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Randomize
