We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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