Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
