Anthony wouldn't know good sex if it sat on his face
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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