where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
