Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
He's my blizzard buddy. We're blowing lines and doing a 3D game of thrones puzzle
Randomize
