that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Found half of a five day old piece of pizza behind my dresser. Apparently it was drunkenly set there and got knocked down. It was such a happy reminder of last weekend.
I found a cheeseburger next to my tub once. It's there to shame you, but it always just makes me feel more awesome.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
