I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
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