Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
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