We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
