I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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