only you would photoshop your dick
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
I know i'm the slutty cousin, but be honest. have you ever got your nose ring caught on a guy's zipper?
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
