guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
Shut the fuck up. It's not the end of the world. Now come get your asshole bleached with me or we're not roommates anymore.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
