i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I was like kind of drunk but mostly just very enthusiastic about beyonce
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
Randomize
