Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
