Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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