HIV tests are more positive than that guy
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
