we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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