She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
