It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Randomize
