i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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