Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
COCAINE IS GR8
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
Randomize
