Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
Randomize
