I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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