I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
