fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
