I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
