So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
