So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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