Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I was going to ask the people in the kitchen to keep the volume down, but they're cooking pasta at 3 AM and one complimented me on my polka-dot nightgown. They're high. No volume control.
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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