he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
