THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Randomize
