we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
