Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Well I shit myself on the way home from work today so there's that...
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
