Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
i probably shouldve stopped when i uncurled the curly straw in my cocktail because it was slowing me down
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Randomize
