Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
Randomize
