There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
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