his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
