eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
You left your underwear here. I'm hanging it on my door
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Randomize
