A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
