dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
Randomize
